Tuesday, 6 April 2010

This first post will be like any others I come to make, just about a random event I have a remote connection to..you get the idea.

Basically I went to University for about a month and dropped out, yeah I know, a university drop-out. Anyway, it was like the second or third week I was there and had my girlfriend visiting. One of my flatmates was celebrating his birthday and it didn't seem right taking my girlfriend out with a bunch of my mates she hardly knew, so we stayed in.

We were in the kitchen with everybody just having a laugh and watching them do beer-bongs. Doing bongs was something we always did to warm up before a night and it was starting to get pretty ridiculous the stuff we'd put in them (another post will come about the pickle juice bong/jelly fight), anyways the birthday boy was from the country and wasn't overly used to the whole getting trashed thing students do. He did a couple of bongs and that.

After a while I got hungry and we drove into the city to get Subway, in this time I receive the following call:

"Gary hasn't made it to the club, can you pick him up? He's throwing up outside a bank.."

I immediately gave them the fuck off cause I didn't wanna spend the night cleaning sick off my seats when I should be with the girlfriend, ya know? Unfortunately, I happened to see them whilst driving back and my conscience comes in to play and I pull over. He's screaming his head off, totally disorientated and alsorts so we bundle him in the car and I fucking floor it back to our accommodation, running red lights and whatever i can to cut the risk of him chundering in my car.

We make it home safe and clean..except now Gary is removing clothing, still screaming one second, then passing out the next. As someone opens the door for him to get out, he slumps out but gets caught half-way by the seat belt, so he's pretty much hanging out my car in the middle of the road, some guy is tooting behind us and in a panic someone just hits the buckle release and he slams his head onto the road.

This is absolutely hilarious to me and I start feeling a bit better about the night, I let a couple of them take him in whilst I park and start apologising to the girlfriend.

When I get up to the flat, all hell is breaking loose, Gary is in his boxers screaming 'Pleaseee' and all sorts of random shit. He breaks free from us and locks himself in his room screaming 'TOILET' at us.

Naturally we just thought he needed to throw up but we're pretty worried he might pass out and choke or something, through stroke of luck, I was able to open his door with my key because his lock was a bit fucked.

As we open the door, we don't hear any throwing up coming from his bathroom, quite the opposite so we sorta leave him to it for a bit..

After a while there's silence-

Totally forgot to mention, as getting him up to the flat was becomming incredible effort for my flatmates, this guy from another flat decided to lend a hand..his names Alex and now I've remembered him, I won't be forgetting him. He had dyed black hair and a bowl haircut and was just someone you'd naturally avoid, most girls did at least.

So yeah we wait around a bit then go into his room again, all way too shit-scared to go into his bathroom (that's a pun, isn't it?)

Instead of looking ourselves, I stick my phone round the corner of his bathroom door and take the above picture..then the smell hit us.

The picture doesn't quite show the full extent of the damage, as he'd actually continued to spray as he went down apparently, but I wasn't gonna confirm that with my own eyes and this is where Alex comes in.

Alex is supposedly first-aid trained and probably got his qualification from the internet because he thinks that it is his duty to go in to the bathroom and rescue Gary and put him in his bed. Now if you look at the picture..Gary isn't really in a dangerous position..he's quite comfortably sleeping on the floor and our major concern is that he's done drugs or is gonna get alcohol poisoning so after much arguing, we call accommodation security.

In this time, Alex has gone into the bathroom and dressed Gary and put him in bed...by himself even after five of us told him to stay away and to go back to his own flat.

After arguing with security they agree to call the NHS helpline and not 999 as we asked and he goes into the room to look about and comes out very wide-eyed and shocked and says something about shit-filled boxers I think.

He then asks how Gary got this wasted and I show him the beer-bong for laughs, he goes even more wide-eyed and just replies:

"...Jesus Christ"

This is beyond funny and I think i blow a funny-fuse at this point and pretty much retreat to my bedroom to cry it out.

And about that Alex guy, we actually had to get security to force him to leave and I later spoke to two girls from his flat and they pretty much confirmed that he was a freak so I told them the story too.

Gary didn't get up until about 6-7pm the next day and I believe even to this day his room completely stinks of the bleach he used to destroy his room.

Friday, 12 March 2010

1st Post From A Badass.


This picture just sums up what I aim to be in life.

Thus, I created a blog.

This way I can remember all that I forget and share all the lame/funny stuff that happens in my half-good life.